"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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