Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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