my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
