If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Every concussion has its silver lining
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
