I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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