Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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