is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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