I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
