Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
