Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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