I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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