Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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