I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
