i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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