bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
