I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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