i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize