is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
