i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
