K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
