he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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