it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
