People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
