There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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