i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
