my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my poor anus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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