You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
