"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
