lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
