I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
