...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are the jesus of drinking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
