Only a mothe r could love this liver
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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