my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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