There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
