I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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