margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
