I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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