I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
