Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
