Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
tell me about the fingering
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