dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize