i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
