just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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