fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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