How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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