I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
