I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
