it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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