i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize