Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
