Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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