They should really pass out barf bags in church
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
