What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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