im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
