I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
