My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize