Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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