We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
