Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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