I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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