so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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