I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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