god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
