if you like me you must not know who I am
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
