I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
