Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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