jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
