My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
