soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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