god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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