Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
