you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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