Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
