i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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