I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
