what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
