What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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