She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
