id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
