You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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