hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
