I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
